There were great sources of “one liners” available throughout the 80s and 90s. They even became necessary to master. After all, we had to do something to push back in the face of the daily headlines predicting the eminent death of Apple. With the launch of Windows 95, and up through the “Reintroduction” of the All in One Apple computer with the Boni Blue iMac, the so-called experts said Apple was finished. Michael Dell famously advised Steve Jobs to liquidate the company and give the money to the shareholders. How’d that work out for you Mike?
I can’t tell you how many times a PC using friend or associate said “Joe, when are you going to give up that Mac? Every one uses Windows.” I would remind them that there are many more cockroaches on the planet too. But no one could make the case that the roaches were a higher life form!
One of the best lines comes from Guy Kawasaki. “Telling a Mac user that Windows is just like a Macintosh is like finding a potato that looks like Jesus and believing you’ve witnessed the second coming!”
Here are a few more Golden Oldies from the glory days in the Mac vs. PC Wars.
“There are many PCs that are less expensive than a Mac. Isn’t it smarter to buy the cheaper one?’ You know, that same argument was used to sell a lot of Yugos in the 1980s, but nobody was calling for the death of Mercedes-Benz.”
PC user, “There’s just no software for the Mac.”
Mac User, “Oh really? How many different word processors do you need? So what there’s 20,000 titles for DOS, Windows3.x and Windows 95 compared to 8,000 titles for Macintosh. What that really means is there are 19,990 titles PC owners will never use and 7,970 titles Mac owners will never use.”
Mac users buy more software. PC users pirate more software.
Mac users give their computers affectionate names. PC users call their computers profanity laced names.
Mac users humanize their computers. PC users demonize theirs.
“The Macintosh may only have 10% of the market, but it is clearly the top 10%.” (Douglas Adams)
Forcing children to use a PC running a Microsoft operating system is a terrible form of Child Abuse.
“The box said “Windows ’95 or Better”… so I got a Mac.”
“Friends don’t let friends use Windows.”
“If builders built buildings the way Windows programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.”
An ancient eastern proverb says: I complained because I had no shoes; then I met a man who had no feet. For the 90’s: I complained because I had no PowerMac; then I met a man who used Windows.
“Usually Mac users are able to solve most of their problems without any help from us.” (BellSouth ISP Tech Support)
“If Bill Gates had a dime for every time a Windows box crashed … … Oh, wait a minute, he already does.”
“I wouldn’t dream of touching a PC unless it was for satirical purposes (like dropping it off an overpass).”
“[Microsoft] is the fox that takes you across the river and then eats you.” (Pete Peterson, former WordPerfect executive)
“I’m not one of those who think Bill Gates is the devil. I simply suspect that if Microsoft ever met up with the devil, it wouldn’t need an interpreter.” (Nicholas Petreley, InfoWorld editor)
“The idea that Bill Gates has appeared like a knight in shining armor to lead all customers out of a mire of technological chaos neatly ignores the fact that it was he, who by peddling second-rate technology, led them into it in the first place.” (Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy)
“We won. Every computer in the world is basically a Macintosh now.” (Steve Wozniak, inventor of the Apple Computer)
Though all of these are cool, I was forced to stop using my favorite line of all time in the Mac vs. PC Wars.
Why would anyone ever buy a computer that comes with a warning label printed all over the box? It’s right there. Don’t you see it? It says “Intel Inside!” Man, I really miss that one.